*Note: the title for this post has nothing to do with Reflection Eternal, one of the best hip-hop duos of all time. Though for the record, I’ve recently rediscovered their latest album Revolutions Per Minute and am falling in love with it all over again (it’s been especially helpful in getting me through my morning runs, which have become more of a daily occurrence—more to come on that later). Anyhow, check it out. You won’t be disappointed.
But on a more related side note, I finally received my ARC (Alien Residency Card) a few days ago! I’m officially legit to work here now in Taiwan (though that didn’t stop me from working the last month—whoops). However I must admit that I’m a little bummed…I was kind of looking forward to the thrill of living here illegally, maybe even having to outrun immigration officers trying to deport me. But I suppose I can live with being a law-abiding citizen.
Also, in far more exciting news, I’m getting paid for the first time tomorrow! I can already feel that hole that had begun burning through my pocket starting to sear shut. And additionally, having my ARC means I can now open a Taiwanese banking account, which will allow me to withdraw money without having to pay the absurd $10 fee for using a foreign debit card (technically, $5 for it being foreign, $5 because Bank of America SUCKS—someone remind to leave that bank behind when I return to the States).
As for today’s post, I’m sorry to tell you that it is going to be another mostly introspective piece of work. I wish I could write as well about the things around me as some of my other friends do, and effectively take myself out of the story, but that just doesn’t seem to be my style. But I guess I shouldn’t fight this. After all, I learned this past year (thanks to my wonderful sister-in-law Caroline and the fantastic gift of Strengths Finder 2.0) that one of my tops strengths is “intellection”: the process of thinking, analyzing, and reflecting internally (alas the blog title makes sense), and that this particular strength is best utilized when I’m writing my various thoughts down. So really this blog is becoming more of my online secret public journal, though admittedly not nearly as entertaining or funny as Mike Birbiglia’s. And so instead of taking myself out of the story, I’m going to talk about the story I’m living…and how I want to edit it.
In this post, I’m going to share a couple of quotes from books I’ve read since being in Southeast Asia that have had a particular influence on me. With so much free time on my hands, I’ve become seriously addicted to reading (thanks again for the books, Mom). Case in point—I’ve currently burned through all but 30 pages of Where Men Win Glory in the last 3 days. And I must say, I’m a big fan…though I’m not sure anything has ever made me so incensed at the U.S Military, but what’s new? Anyways, moving on…
“Humans naturally seek comfort and stability. Without an inciting incident that disrupts their comfort, they won’t enter into a story. The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear, otherwise the story will never happen.”
-Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
This quote really spoke to me when I first read it. In fact, I read it a fair number of times before sitting and pondering how it applied to my current situation. In truth, I read Donald Miller’s book at the very outset of my stint in Cambodia, and it helped me greatly in learning to jump in with both feet and commit myself to the craziness of the campaign I’d signed myself up for. However, something has happened in the 6 or so weeks since I’ve been here in Taiwan. Namely, I’ve gotten comfortable with much of my surroundings here. While I’m nonetheless amazed and irked at some of the various things that happen here, I’ve found myself more-or-less ensnared in a standardized daily schedule. I wake up around 9 or 930, eat breakfast at one of a couple different places I’ve found (all conveniently with English menus or at least pictures to point at), exercise, get a coffee, read, and head off to school. There I lesson-plan for a bit, do the whole teaching gig, eat at the same dinner place across the street every flippin’ night (hard to blame myself too much here though—so conveniently close and only 50 NTD for a filling meal…that’s hard to beat), come home, chill out for a bit, and do it all over again the next day. In short, I’ve found myself in the dreaded “comfort zone”. And while it isn’t necessarily bad in itself to feel comfortable or relaxed, that certainly wasn’t my main goal in travelling across the globe for a year.
The reason the issue of the “comfort zone” is particularly alarming to me is because I felt I’ve already fallen into that trap before, especially during the majority of my time in college. Now I don’t want to make it sound like my stint (was sort of lengthy to just call it a “stint”) at Cal Poly wasn’t enjoyable because that’s far from the truth. However, I do think that, as a result of being a more shy and introverted individual, I cut myself off from doing certain things that may have exposed me to disappointment and/or rejection. Therefore I feel like I may not have gotten as fulfilling and rewarding as a college experience as others had. Instead of putting myself out there and continuing to meet new people, I generally stuck to the group of friends I had become acquainted with early on, and instead of trying out different clubs/organizations, I tended to do what I was familiar with, which really ended up just being IM sports every so often. Long story short, I came to this saddening realization at the end of my time at Cal Poly, just months before graduation, and admittedly it really put me in a funk. I decided then and there that the next chapter of my life was going to be different. In fact, it was this realization that made me decide to go to Taiwan to teach instead of coming back to Cal Poly to get my Masters in Education, which was the other route I was considering post-grad. I wanted to instead throw myself into a situation where I had no security blanket to wrap myself up with. The result was a trip to Phnom Penh. And while it certainly wasn’t as comfortable or predictable as life in San Luis Obispo, the uncertainty and terrifying nature of it made the experience all the more remarkable and fulfilling.
But now here I am in Taiwan, afraid that I’m falling back into that same dreaded comfort zone I had come all this way to avoid. And it was when I was realizing this that I came across this quote from Garth Stein’s The Art of Racing in the Rain:
“What we manifest is before us”
Although this quote is rather short compared to the one from Miller, its impact on me was just as if not more powerful. Basically all this quote means is that we all make our own destinies. As I was beginning to feel trapped in the comfort zone, this one line made me realize there was only one thing I could about it: change things up, and pull myself out of the comfort zone in whatever way I could.
For instance, I’ve undoubtedly loved loved loved the food here. However, I feel I’ve limited my taste buds to the experience they’re getting simply because many of the places I’d like to try, especially some of the foodstalls in the ShiDa Night Market, have absolutely no English menus or English-speaking employees, which has to this point made me rather hesitant. I really didn’t want to be embarrassed when I couldn’t put through a simple order or convey in any way what I wanted. Instead it was easier to go eat at the places where I knew what to expect; where I was….comfortable eating. But the more I’ve thought about this, I’ve realized how stupid I sound. So what if I can’t order and make an ass of myself in front of all the locals? The worst thing that could happen is probably getting laughed at a little bit and/or receiving the wrong dish. But hey, at least it’d be a new experience right? (For the record, I followed this advice tonight and worked up the courage to go to a food stall and sit with a bunch of the locals who sat gawking at me for a bit…but the result was some delicious chicken and curry for very cheap. Success.)
I’ve also been somewhat putting off the issue of learning the language here. I suppose it’s relatively easy to get by just speaking English, pointing, and using limited Chinese (“limited” is in fact a generous term to describe my skill level). But in stride with trying to push myself out of the comfort zone, I’ve taken steps to improve my Chinese capabilities. This coming Tuesday I have a Language Exchange date with a local named “Miggie” (that’s really all I know about this person—assuming it’s a guy since the only other people I’ve known who go by that name are former American League MVPs). While I’m betting this arrangement won’t end up being a match-made-in-heaven, or that our EHarmony compatibilities won’t match, at the very least it will force me to put myself out there with a total stranger and practice my Chinese. And almost certainly it will result in me getting laughed at because I’m terrible at pronunciation. But I can’t say enough about how excited I am to finally push myself in this new area. And even if I don’t end up staying here for more than a year, I assume I’ll at least have some Chinese skills at my disposal to impress my friends with when I’m back home. Hell, I may even have to use it when I’m frequenting Yogurtland in Cupertino, which after all seems to be the Asian capital of California (UC Irvine is a very close second…)
Speaking of pushing myself, I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’m going to exert and challenge myself physically, as well as mentally, while I’m here. Ever since I got my running shoes in the mail about a week and a half ago (you’re a SAINT Maureen Ghiossi), I seem to have fallen in love with running again. I’ve felt like Forrest Gump once he broke free from his leg braces. Because of this newfound fascination with running, and also due in part to a suggestion from a friend, I’ve decided to do a fun little 9K through Taipei coming up here in January. I figure doing this would be a great way to discipline myself into training a little as well as give me something to work toward and look forward to. And if I really enjoy it, next on the list will be a half-marathon in March. Wish me luck!
Not to mention I’m also going to start playing basketball with some of the locals here (South Beach? Nah..I’m taking my talents to Daan Park). And I may even start playing some weekend pickup games with a few of my co-workers. While putting myself out there with the locals in a competitive environment is definitely more terrifying than, say, working up the courage to eat at a local foodstall, I’m still greatly looking forward to it. In fact, this was supposed to start today, but sadly the constant rain all day kind of destroyed those plans…Oh well, until next weekend!
Anyways, I should wrap this up because I’m sure those of you that are so loyal as to actually read all the way to this point are getting tired by now. But the bottom line is that I’ve found a comfort zone here, and I’m doing my best to not rely on it as much as possible; to constantly place myself in new situations. Because really, perspective can be a bitch. It’s great to have, but unfortunately it usually arrives long after the fact; long after it would have been really useful. I seemingly gained that perspective too late in college, but the good news is that I’m catching myself this time around. I know I’m in an incredible position here living in an extremely foreign country. I don’t want to look back on this experience 20 years from now and regret not making the absolute most of it. I don’t want to feel like Captain Hindsight (anddd the South Park references just keep piling up), pointing out the mistakes I made or risks I didn’t take while looking in the rear view mirror. So here I go, committing to live my remaining time here to the fullest. At the very least it should make for some entertaining blog posts down the road…
